


The things I'd do to see your smile

by MorganBartonRomanoff



Series: Avengers Bingo 2020 [5]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Irondad, Morgan says shit, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Time Travel, avengersbingo, midnight juice pops, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23157556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganBartonRomanoff/pseuds/MorganBartonRomanoff
Summary: "We got really lucky.""Yeah, I know." They had. They had each other, and Morgan. And May didn't have Peter. Other people didn't have their families."A lot of people didn't."(Tony's thought process before and after he discovers that one successful model.)Part Five of my Avengers Bingo; Square filled - Time Travel
Relationships: Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Avengers Bingo 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600987
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	The things I'd do to see your smile

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Avengers Bingo 2020 by [avengersbingo](https://avengersbingo.tumblr.com)

The water ran down his hands, washing away soap and thoughts, memories. No, it couldn't wash those away. They were too ingrained in him, buried too deep. He wouldn't let them go for the world, anyway.

Five years. He'd spent the last five years regretting every decision he'd made regarding Peter Parker. Most of all involving him with the Avengers. He'd spent the last five years blaming himself for everything that had happened to the kid. He'd tried to protect him so hard, yet when it truly mattered, he'd been powerless. He'd let him down.

Tony swallowed down the lump in his throat and dried his hands. To his right stood one of their only pictures together, from the day they'd legalised Peter's internship. He was holding the certificate the wrong way, grinning at the camera, beaming as if he was the sun itself. And Tony's silly face next to his, just enjoying the moment. The times had been so much more simple back then, even with the leftover alien tech from years ago. At least they hadn't needed to fight actual aliens after New York.

Pepper insisted he was being too hard on himself, whenever he mentioned anything about Peter and imminently followed it with regretful ‘if’s. If he'd been stronger. If he'd never shown up at his place asking for his help in the first place. If, if, if... If he could have traded places.

If there wasn’t so much at stake now. Guilt was tearing him apart in two, one begging him to keep what he now had, one chanting over and over again ‘get him back’.

Technically, he knew he could do this, if he tried hard enough. That wasn’t the problem. He’d discovered a chemical element once upon a time. No, the problem was living with himself if he failed, not just in getting him back, but also in protecting his family. He couldn’t risk it, he couldn’t. He said that to himself time and time again, in the hopes of finally believing it. It just… wasn’t working. A part of him, one that grew bigger and bigger with each passing breath, like it was fuelled by oxygen, refused to let that opportunity go.

He had a chance. He finally had a chance of getting his boy back. Of seeing his smile once more, and not in that damned picture that broke his heart every time he looked at it.

It was tearing him apart. Morgan. Peter. But why couldn’t he have both of them? Why couldn’t he be selfish? He would do anything for his kids, to protect them, to keep them safe, _alive_. He’d see himself dead before anything ever happened to them.

May had lost him too. She’d lost her only remaining family. Tony, he’d gotten a second shot at living a normal life. _Her_ life had crumbled down around her the second he’d picked up her call with his heart in his throat.

He owed her so much.

Tony clenched his teeth, put the frame back in its place and shook himself off. He had no time for moping. Science was calling his name.

The holo table in his study was a bit outdated, but he’d had it installed over four years ago and hadn’t changed it since. Still, it served its purpose well enough, with FRIDAY running through its system. He went through everything that guy Lang had told him, sifting out the essentials and adding his own knowledge to them, testing out theory after theory. Model after model of failure. He tried to keep the disappointment on the surface, to not let himself become too invested, too desperate, too hopeful.

If it worked, it worked. If it didn’t… Well. At least he’d tried.

He spent a few hours like that, trial and error and more trials and more errors. He was running out of ideas, nearly ready to give up. One last simulation. One last attempt.

"Processing," FRIDAY told him. He turned the shape in his hands, thinking out loud. "Just a moment."

Tony took a sip of water, throat dry from all the scenarios he'd already gone through, throwing a plum in his mouth afterwards.

"And don't worry if it doesn't pan out. I'm just kinda..." He trailed off, tilting his head to the side as he chewed.

"Model rendered," the AI said and ran the simulation.

 _'Model successful_ ' stared back at him in bold red. Tony's heart dropped in his stomach, and then shot back up to lodge itself in his throat. His blood rushed loudly through his ears, his breathing hitched, he dropped back into the chair behind him. He breathed out shakily, a hand reaching to cover his mouth.

He'd done it. He'd actually succeeded. He'd discovered time travel. Just theoretically, but...

He spread out his arms, eyes gleaming, disbelief and wonder and relief and hope mixing in his voice as he exclaimed, " _shit!_ "

This needed to work. It had to, because now there was no going back to pretending there was no way to bring him back. To bring them all back. His heart wouldn't take it if it – if _he_ failed.

"Shit!" Tony heard from behind him, startling and blinking a few times to get back to reality. He swivelled around in his chair, bringing a finger to his lips dramatically. Morgan was sitting on the stairs, wide awake and with a toothy smile in place.

"What are you doing up, little miss?"

"Shit," she repeated, more cheerfully than the first time, sitting up straighter, like she was proud of herself, and he back-pedalled, hoping to save himself from Pepper's wrath the next day when Morgan inevitably said that word yet again.

"Nope. We don't say that. Only mommy says that word. She coined it. It belongs to her." Tony looked at his daughter half-sternly, doing his best to not let her think he was upset with her.

"Why are you up?" she asked like he hadn't just tried to scold her.

"Cuz I've got some important shit going on here," Morgan pulled her Pepper face on him, the one his wife usually used when she called him out on his bullshit, and he realised he had to do damage control once more. That kid, she was too smart for her own good. "What do you think? No, I got- I got something on my mind. I got something on my mind"

"Was it juice pops?" Her voice had a hopeful note, a mischievous sub-tone, and he knew what she was doing. He'd applied that same technique to Pepper whenever he tried to get back into her good graces.

He remembered, then. Why it was so dangerous to go back in time. What he was risking, what was on the line. He couldn't lose his little girl. A life for a life was not a deal he would even consider taking, if he had to choose between Morgan and Peter. He'd sooner trade his own life for them to be happy and well. Tony smiled at the little girl with sparkling eyes in front of him. _His_ little girl with sparkling eyes.

"Sure it was. That's extortion, that's the word," he told her as he got up from his chair and offered her his hand, engulfing her tiny palm in his, savouring the feeling of love each and every touch of hers brought him. "What kind do you want? Great minds think alike. Juice pops, _exactly_ what was on..." He trailed off, glancing one last time at the holo table with its glowing ' _model successful_ '. He'd done everything he could for the night. Everything else had to wait, because his baby, right then, was the most important thing in the world. A few more hours wouldn't change anything. He looked back at her, face softening into a wider smile, eyes crinkling even more as he focused his entire attention back on her and continued his thought. "My mind."

A juice pop each later, he'd convinced her to go back to sleep. It hadn't been that hard, as her eyes were drooping by the time she was half done with her treat anyway. He took her back upstairs, down the hall and into her dimly lit room, drawing back the covers for her with her melting pop in his other hand.

“You done?” he asked her as she nestled in her place and finished off her popsicle. “Yeah, now you are.” He pulled his sleeve and ran a thumb over her lips, smiling, sweeping hair away from her face. Then he put his palm gently on her face and pushed her playfully into the pillow. _”_ That face goes there.”

“Tell me a story,” she requested.

“A story...” He tried to think of something short, but came up empty handed and decided plan B needed to be put in motion. “Ah, once upon a time, Maguna went to bed. The end.”

“That is a horrible story,” Morgan giggled, eyes still glued to her father’s face.

“Come on, that's your favourite story,” he joked. “I love you tons _,”_ he whispered as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. She put a hand beneath her cheek, mulling over a thought, and seemed to come to a conclusion.

“I love you three thousand.” Tony stared at her, lips twitching widely, thinking, how had he deserved her. How had he earned her love, all this admiration. Her smile was the most precious thing in his life.

“Wow,” he exhaled, staring and staring and staring at this little miracle before him. He stood up, turning off the bedside lamp as he went. “Three thousand. That's crazy.” He marvelled at her cleverness, how cheeky she was all the time. Truly his daughter. Truly Pepper’s daughter too, judging by her abilities to wrap her father around her little finger. He pulled the door after himself on his way out, but not before messing with her one last time.”Go to bed. Or I'll sell all your toys.” He heard her little snort, and his heart filled with love again. It’d been doing that ever since she’d come into his life. “Night, night.”

As he set off to find Pepper so they could go to bed too, his mind kept going back to what he’d discovered barely a few minutes ago.

For the first time in years, he had an actual chance to right his wrongs. To restore to the world what he'd taken from it. Because he had, _he_ had taken from the Universe. No matter how much time passed, he couldn't forgive himself for being too weak, too slow to fight off the monster. It was his fault.

Pepper was in the living room, reading on the couch. Tony paced back and forth in front of the fireplace.

"Not that it's a competition, but she loves me three thousand," he told her. "You were somewhere on the low six to nine hundred range." She scoffed at him, fond of his all-consuming devotion to their daughter. "What are you reading?"

"Oh, it's just a book on composting," she answered, but he didn't seem to be completely present in the conversation, somewhat absentminded.

"What's new with composting?"

"Just --" She didn't get to finish, though, because Tony talked right over her, a sliver of excitement slipping into his voice.

"I figured it out, by the way." She blinked, not completely understanding.

"You know, just so we're talking about the same thing --"

"Time travel," he interrupted her again, saying it so nonchalantly as if he was talking about changing a lightbulb.

"What? Wow... That's amazing, and... terrifying." She'd never doubted him, she'd known he'd be capable of anything if he set his mind to it. But that had been fast, even for him.

"That's right." he moved to join her on the couch. There was something in his voice, something that told her he needed her to encourage him, something that terribly reminded her of fear.

"We got really lucky."

"Yeah, I know." They had. They had each other, and Morgan. And May didn't have Peter. Other people didn't have their families.

"A lot of people didn't."

"No, I can't help everybody." She tilted her head at him, seeing right through him, lips tugging in a sympathetic smile.

"It sort a seems like you can."

"Not if I stop," he shot back. She lowered her eyes, thinking back to all the times she'd hoped to hear him say he'd stop. "I can put a pin in it right now, and stop."

Except he couldn't. She knew it, she could hear it in his voice, could see it in his eyes, in his entire body. Taut like a wire, practically aching from holding himself back from going for it right then and there.

"Tony, trying to get you to stop has been one of the few failures of my life," she told him honestly, smiling back at him when he looked at her with his bright loving eyes.

"I sometimes feel I should put it in a locked box and drop it at the bottom of a lake..." He was torn, she could see, but she refused to let him bury this chance. "Go to bed."

"But would you be able to rest?"

And she had him there, she knew. He knew, too.

He wouldn't. He would think back to it, every day, every night, every moment his mind wasn't busy, until it destroyed him, until it ruined him, until it ruined _them_.

Images of the kid flashed before his eyes. Of him swinging left and right, risking his life for others, of him looking at Tony with those Bambi eyes of his when he’d told him he wanted the suit back, of his gigantic smile that day he’d turned down becoming an Avenger but instead grinned like a kid in a candy store at the sight of his internship certificate. Gosh, Tony could hear his voice, loud, joyful, innocent, spilling a hundred words a minute, laughing, crying, _crying_ , **_crying_**.

That day on Titan was still the worst day of Tony’s entire life, as he watched Peter turn to dust, painfully aware of what was happening.

He missed hmi. So much. He needed him back.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr: [ohwriteiforgot](https://ohwriteiforgot.tumblr.com)
> 
> If you liked it, please do let me know!


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